Honor Your “No.”
Hey y’all! It’s been a minute, but we’re back! 🥰 I received such an overwhelming amount of love and encouragement from the first blog post, thank you all so much for taking the time to read my words. I wasn’t sure if this was the right space to share my deeper inner thoughts, but the response has shown me how starved we are for real, authentic storytelling. So here we are!
Now, onto why we’re here: I’ve been reflecting a lot lately—on who I am, how I show up in the world, and where I still feel blocked. I’ve come to realize that I have a fear of being seen and a fear of success, especially when it comes to sustaining it. Yes, I can capture people’s attention, but can I hold it? That kind of staying power only comes from consistency. I hope to make Wednesdays “Blog Day",” so please hold me accountable y’all lol
I’ve been working with my spiritual advisor, Zinastar Mahadevi (please follow her on Instagram at @zinastar—her work is truly life-changing). In our last class, we explored embodiment and what it really means to reclaim and be present in our bodies. Since then, I’ve been in deep reflection about my own relationship with my body. I’ve experienced a lot of trauma—emotional, physical, and even self-inflicted. I’ve been thinking about all the times I ignored my body’s signals, and all the screams of “no” that I bypassed. Every time I override my body’s wisdom, I re-traumatize myself. I teach the wounded parts of me; my inner child, teen, young adult, that I can’t be trusted to keep us safe.
But now that I know better, I’m learning to listen. Our bodies speak to us through sensation, not words. It’s the sudden shift in energy, the goosebumps, the way I hold my breath or clench my lower body when I feel unsafe. It’s the freeze, the fawn—my nervous system shouting, “I don’t feel safe here.” And I’ve spent years ignoring those messages.
I’ve struggled with anxiety since 2016-17ish, when I cut back on smoking and realized: “Wow, I have serious social anxiety.” I can’t walk into a room without feeling like everyone is watching me or worse, reading my mind. And the deeper I’ve gotten into my spiritual journey, the worse it gets. It has turned into hypervigilance, paranoia, people-pleasing, constantly anticipating others’ needs to avoid confrontation—all of which only re-traumatize me, and cause inner turmoil and distrust within myself.
If you continuously surround yourself with people you do not trust—who do not feel safe, even if you can’t prove “why”—you teach your body to distrust you. Your body’s signals/voice IS the proof and that’s it, that’s all. There’s no need to gaslight yourself, and convince your body that “this situation/this person is safe” when your body is literally curled up in a ball, in the corner, crying, begging you to remove yourself. I’ve been doing this. I’ve been ignoring my body’s signals. But today, I chose not to—and the relief I felt was powerful.
So… I’m on Hinge now….lmao I know, don’t judge me. It’s been going okay, I actually matched with someone I’m truly interested in. 🤭 But today, someone liked one of my pictures and I instantly realized it was someone I had already “x’d” a few days ago (should have honored my first no). When I clicked back on his profile, I instantly felt another “No.” And still… I ignored it. I messaged him anyway and said, “I have so many questions.” (Again, trying to gain more “tangible proof” 🙄). And as soon as he started responding, my body froze. Heart racing, muscles clenched, thoughts spiraling—my whole nervous system screaming UNSAFE! But I kept trying to push through.
The conversation turned to men, women, and traditional roles. I explained that many women feel unsafe around men, and he replied: “If women don’t feel safe with men, I don’t see why y’all don’t just date women?” Excuse me? 🚩 But I still engaged, saying, “Lol, unfortunately I wasn’t born gay.” We kept talking, and I brought up the trauma women experience from men, and vice versa. He replied: “I don’t date women with trauma.” Something about he doesn’t bring his trauma into relationships and that the trauma be self-inflicted,…Blasé, blasé, bullsh*t…Full stop.
I responded, “Everybody has trauma, but okay. I hope you find your one. 🌹” Dismissed myself and then… he unmatched. For a moment I felt a bit of rejection, but then realized that he absolutely should have never even made it in the DMs in the fist place, so it’s good that he’s gone.
I knew it was a no. My body knew. And I ignored her again. But the moment the conversation ended, my body settled. And that’s when it hit me:
I’m done ignoring her.
I’m done keeping her in unsafe spaces.
I’m done making her “hug her abuser.”
I’m done silencing her cries for help.
From this moment forward, I am committed to showing up fully for myself—in all spaces, in all situations, in all relationships. I am actively rebuilding my self-trust by listening to my body and honoring her needs in every moment of discomfort.
And so, I’ll leave you with this:
In what ways are you ignoring your body?
How can you begin to treat your body with more care, safety, and respect?
