B I G F E E L I N G S !
G, B I G F E E L I N G S by Willow? That’s the soundtrack of my life right now.
If you don’t know, I was laid off last month from my job as a flight attendant. 🙃 At first, I enjoyed the stillness—finally time to do nothing. But reality is kicking in, and honestly…I have no idea what’s next.
My car (Saturn—ironic right?) and insurance are covered for now, and I’m “fortunate” enough to still live with my mom, so I don’t have major living expenses. But I AM drowning in credit card debt. Any money I could be saving to move out or invest in starting a business? It’s getting swallowed whole.
This definitely ain’t a cry for help or a GoFundMe narrative—this is just a safe space to say: WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. F**K BRO?!!!!!!!
Back in December, I prayed one of those dramatic “change my life, God” prayers. I begged for 2024 to be the last year I worked a regular job. I even posted it on the internet, signed as a call to action. BIG manifestation vibes. I wanted to be pushed into my purpose and WOW, The Universe delivered…. Fast. God said, “okay, bet shorty.”
I wasn’t prepared for the prayer to actually work, I wasn’t prepared for the real cost of stepping into purpose. When you say you want to be released from the workforce, you don’t actually think it’ll happen. You just say it because you’re burnt out. Right? Apparently not. Apparently your words matter, and your angels are always listening.
This is the craziest part: Becoming a flight attendant might’ve been the worst career decision I ever made. It sounds ✨glamorous✨ but behind the curtain it was chaotic. Stressful. And Isolating.
Let’s set the scene:
There’s a BIG difference between mainline and regional airlines. Mainline = Delta, United, American, Southwest—those big names. Regional = GoJet, SkyWest, Envoy, Air Wisconsin. Have you ever heard of them? Probably not. But they operate under contracts with the big players, flying passengers from smaller cities to larger hubs. For example, you can’t fly to Miami from Springfield, IL. So you have to take a connecting (commuter) flight from Springfield to Chicago (ORD) and then ORD to Miami…make sense?
That was my life. I was the only flight attendant (yes, just me) responsible for 50 passengers on Air Wisconsin flights from Feb ‘24 to March ‘25, making ONLY 18 bucks an hour—until American Airlines randomly severed our contract. No mainline contract = no flights and no flight benefits. I would have had to PAY just to get to work. Only to make such a small amount of money? Nah. So I waited to be furloughed instead of quitting—to qualify for unemployment. Logical, right?
No, not logical. Not easy at all.
I live in Chicago. My base was in Ohio. My airline was headquartered in Wisconsin. I filed for unemployment in Illinois—got denied. Filed in Ohio: “You worked in Milwaukee last.” Milwaukee: “We don’t have your full earnings.”
WHAT THE F**KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK BRO!!!!!!
It’s been two months. No income. No resolution. No idea if I’ll ever get those benefits. So yeah—I’m not fine. I say I’m fine. But I know I’m not. And still… I asked for this….
I asked for a life of purpose, freedom, and creativity. But I didn’t map out the plan to sustain it. I didn’t think about the cost. Trusting God sounds beautiful until your ego starts panicking. My spirit knows I’m protected. But my mind? It’s like: “We need money. Yesterday.”
Now I’m back in that familiar loop:
“Maybe I’ll just take a job to pay bills…”
And here we go again.
Bro, I’m tired. Tired of trading my time and energy for just enough to survive in a system that is actively working against me. Tired of not having the creative capacity to pour into the purpose I know I’m here for.
What I do know is: All I have in this season is my story. All I have is my voice. So even if it’s just me venting to strangers on the internet—this is my art right now. This is me showing up for myself. For the version of me that still believes it’s all going to work out.
I’ve cried, complained, stressed, written—and now? I’m choosing to handle it.
This is your reminder: it’s okay to do it crying. Just as long as you’re still doing it.
Will I get my unemployment benefits?
Will I take a job with TSA in Milwaukee?
Will I just sit on my mom’s couch and write full-time?
Will I prosper from this story?
Find out on the next episode of Naruto…🙃
