Burn It ALL Down!
Tbh I’m exhausted. I’m tired of life. I’m tired of the responsibilities that come with being alive. I’m tired of acting like I’m okay, when every other day I’m lying in the bed rotting away and crying. I’m tired of pretending I know what I’m doing. I’m tired of having to put on a smile and carry out pleasantries. I’m tired of being the “broke friend.” I’m tired of not being who God intended for me to be. I’m tired of waiting on my moment, my winning season. I’m tired of not moving in purpose, I’m tired of being without passion. I’m tired of being alive but not truly living…
This system, this way of life was not made for me. A free-spirit with desire to roam and fly free. The golden question: “If money were not a factor, what would you do?” Is dumb. Money IS in fact a factor and as much as we love the mumbo jumbo jargon “money is energy,” “money comes when you show up,” it’s really one big eye roll.
What They don’t tell you when you sign up to come to Earth is that it’ll be hard for people like us—people who just don’t fit in. Or maybe They did, and I still agreed to come (which I can’t fathom at all), but I digress. At 28 (well 27, my birthday is Saturday 🥰), I thought I’d be married, with my first child by now. In a thriving law career, with two houses, 4 cars and enough money to take care of myself, my household and my mother. None of that is my reality.
I’ve never had a healthy relationship, despite spending all of my 20s and majority of my child and teen years focusing heavy on romance. (Out of lack of love for self, albeit—we’ll touch on that another time). But now it’s clicked that none of that is important if you don’t know who you are or what you are here to do. The pressure and weight of both of those questions has been on my mind heavy this entire year. I’m tired of being the free-spirit girl with no direction. I’m tired of being the wanderer. I’m ready to carry out the life I was promised before I signed the contract to come here. Passion and Purpose. The two most important concepts to me in this season of my life. So what do you do when none of your plans worked out?
Burn all this sh*t down! Everything I thought I was. Everything I thought was important. Every lie I’ve been told about success happening later in life for some people. I want my promise NOW. And so now we turn back to the golden question, “If money were not a factor, what would you do?” I’d do THIS. I’d advocate for the free-spirits, the wanderers, the ones who were placed here and don’t quite fit in. The Disruptors. The black sheep, the ones that know there’s more to life than working until exhaustion, and paying bills on a big floating rock (or whatever Earth is—simulated or not 👀). I’m showing up for us. I’m showing up for ME. I’m showing up for the little girl in me who still has BIG dreams about who she will be. I’m looking fear in the face and walking right through it. I’m stepping into my season of BEING, of knowing, of embodying, of expression, of unwavering self-love. I’m burning it all down, and rising from the ashes!
For the past 6 years I’ve been studying life. Not in your typical biological, ecological way but on a spiritual and emotional level. I’m actively looking for how everything is interconnected, how everything lives and flows in an energetic ecosystem and now? I’m ready to share my findings, revelations and reflections. If you made it this far, thank you and welcome. Let’s explore together. 🤗
Jha’Ceri 🌹
“The roof is on fire! We don’t need no water, let this muthaf*cka BURN!” - The Boys From The Bottom.
