I Wish I Was A Virgin.

I wish I never gave away my virginity.

Unfortunately, the unpopular opinion is true: To be a virgin in this cultural climate is a flex. It’s a flex to be untouched, and untouchable.

The internet was up in arms about Latto discussing her low body count—saying it’s not the flex she thinks it is. That “She’s perpetuating purity culture! 😡” Okay…so? You know who has the strongest outrage about this? A bunch of non-virgins. Lmao let’s just call a spade a spade.

I’ll admit there was a twinge of sting when hearing her brag about being borderline untouchable. Hit dogs really do holler. Why is there an outside opinion on her body and her body count. Why do we care? Why are we condemning a woman for simply saying, “I haven’t had that many partners”? And furthermore, why are we not celebrating being untouchable? Because sexual liberation is the norm now. But let’s be fr: that’s a cover up.

We’re not screaming from the mountain tops about how “sexually liberated” we are because we are secure in ourselves. 🙄

We tie “sexual liberation” to the idea of freedom—or better yet, the idea that we are “owning our femininity.” But that’s really not true either. In real life—when you dissect it, we’ve allowed desirability to define our worth. The more men (or whomever you freak on) desire you, the more worthy we feel.

Let’s sit with that for a moment.

That’s not security within self. That’s outside validation. That’s patriarchy working at its finest. Because the same men (and again, whomever you freak on) that say they want “a freak in the sheets” are the same men who want their women untouched.

And theresssss the truth. At our deepest core we know the “stock price” goes down the more bodies you have 🤷🏾‍♀️ don’t shoot the messenger.

The same reason why most people—most WOMEN, are outraged about Latto flaunting her low body count, isn’t even about her. It’s about the shame we feel towards ourselves. The same women outraged by “purity culture” are the same women who would never utter their real number out loud. We’re not mad at Latto, we’re disappointed that we can’t say the same.

So I’m saying this for us…

I wish I never had sex.

I wish I waited til marriage.

I wish I was secure to know that sex won’t make a man stay or value me.

Sex never freed me—it actually put me in a prison.

If you’re not afraid to join the conversation, tell me why you wish you never had sex. In the comments, in the DMs. Doesn’t really matter.

A very wise woman once told me:

“The only way to release shame is to talk about it.” - Ifákóredé Ifáfayėmí